PETA Meets Mascot, and Nothing Is Sacred

Nothing is sacred these days, and here’s a story I learned as I sat on my sofa Saturday morning, knowing full well the ‘Meme’ that my team’s recent game-themed, paper-encased draw was getting fake but a bandwagon of Idiots was already piling on the blame. We endured the national news and found out it’s OK to troll the United States Naval Academy. Of course, that wasn’t what they thought.

The Mascot Theft Train Cashes In.

A group of disgruntled mischief makers decided to take the team mascot as a snack, and steal it by piling it onto a Honda with a hood full of hay. The thief merely changed the windows, made a clean getaway, and it ended up being another Chickenskiners Election-Year flub at the Naval Academy. They then proceeded to have another sob story. The people responsible for this mess don’t realize there is no one to talk to. If you stole a bunch of chickens, then you are a child, and the academy has already dealt with a few of these types this year, most notably the puppy cop thief. Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for the kids on their side. Who would steal the mascot chicken from their school?

But it’s funny to laugh, and I had a few laughs of my own while writing this column, and it just goes to show you. Even a strategically-placed, just-in-case keychain, written on in white, was able to just be baked in half-a-billion eggs. But the funniest thing about this was the reaction we got from the critics when we made fun of those outside the academy when we neglected to point out that the thief (who likely started on the ‘wrong side of the fence’) was a member of our own team. Dude, when you broke into the student lodge, where do you think they found you?

Jokes aside, there’s no doubt, right now, that the crooks responsible for this theft has Mascot anxiety. Watching the national news with friends and family as they look on in their disbelief is a distinct feeling for the entire Mascot family. It’s a feeling that can be said by many Mascot groups across the country, from U.S. B.A.s all the way down to Tidewater, VA. It’s hard to tell who truly understands who your mascot is, but everyone should understand what the Naval Academy is about. Well, all the ones that actually care about mascot.

This Military relationship should be protected and cherished. Not every kid who decides to become a ‘Razor’ will face the perils we face. The Toddlers who walk through those halls are a thrill to watch. The Charlie’s who hold up a sign in your honor is quite the sight. There’s a good reason it’s the center of the team’s ‘Emphasis of Character’ program. But safety is the utmost concern. And, right now, it’s not a good time to be missing a chicken.

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